Son stops paying his retired parents' mortgage after discovering they offered the house to his unemployed sister, they accuse him of being money-obsessed: 'It was naive of me’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 22, 2025 10:00 AM EST

We all want to repay our parents for all the hard work and care they gave us growing up. One way or another, parents deserve to feel appreciated, even if it is not something they should expect.

If we're lucky enough, by a certain age in our adult life we might be able to repay our parents. It can be by helping them financially after they retire, or by simply being there when they need help (we all had to help a parent with a technical crisis at some point, even if it is extremely minor). Either way, it feels great to be a helping hand to someone who has done so much for you and is responsible for the person you are today.

Unfortunately, offering that helping hand usually does not go as smoothly as we all expect. Family is messy, and definitely not perfect, so when a family member needs help, especially if there is money involved, there is bound to be some drama that follows.

The son in the story below has spent 8 years helping his retired parents with their mortgage, and he did so with love. The only thing he expected in return was a bigger share of the house. Instead, he got a slap in the face.

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    KB 26800022 DOTA MORTGAGE THIS INDENTURE, made as of the by and between day of hereinafter called "Mortgagor", and of hereinafter called "Mortgagee". WITNESSETH: AMOUNT OF LIEN: "NOTE" e and collectible being hereby le shall be ebtedness and d for in provision or e's rights and emedies are without rms of this DOLLARS ($ WHEREAS, Mortgagor is justly indebted to Mortgage tes, and has agreed to pay the same, with intere "Note") given by Mortgagor to Mortgag PROPERTY SUBJE in cons wful money of the
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    "AITA for not paying my parents' mortgage after my sister moved in"

    For the past 8 years, I (32M) have been paying my parents' property taxes and mortgage. They are retired and have very little retirement savings because they put all their
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    money into my sister (29F) and I's education. We both went to top universities and found successful jobs afterwards. I felt like I owed my parents for all they sacrificed for me, so it
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    was a no brainer to help them retire with no financial stress. My parents did not consult my sister about splitting these costs with me; instead, the agreement was that I would get a larger share of the house.
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    Fast forward to now, my sister unfortunately lost her job last year and as a result, doesn't. have much savings. She moved in with my parents to save money while she looks
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    for a job. I recently found out that my sister pitched staying permanently in my parents' house, and my parents agreed. I was furious at this, because | had been paying for the house.
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    with the understanding that it would be sold and I would get a larger share. It is very likely my sister never sells the house and instead raises her eventual family there. Because the
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    original agreement with my parents changed, I stopped paying for the mortgage, leaving it up to my sister to take care of if she's taking over the house. My parents are
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    furious with me, saying I'm too money-obsessed and should be continuing to help the family while my sister is in a tough spot still looking for a job. Instead, they are
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    promising that eventually my sister will pay me out for my share of the house plus whatever else I contributed over 8 years. I turned that offer down because there's no real
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    guarantee this will happen and I don't trust my sister to follow through financially. I may be the ah_le for taking such a cynical stance and leaving my family in financial
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    stress, but I feel like I was already burned once through verbal agreements and I don't want to get burned again. AITA?
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  • As we mentioned above, it is important to give back to the people who raised us. But it is also as important that they appreciate it, and recognize your hard work and contribution to their well-being. 

    If basic gratitude is out of the window, it is not surprising that a child is not so eager to be there for their parents anymore. 

    It is a shame some families have to come to this.

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    Edit: My sister is fully opposed to selling the house because of the "sentimental value". I'm not on the deed because when you put someone else
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    on the deed in CA, your house is re-assessed and it will double our current property tax. There are also some implications to my parents social security payments if I do SO.
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    I wish I got something in writing but i felt like an a hole asking for something like that from my family. It was naive of me to think that way
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    Cheezburger Image 10457067520
    via JackF

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    chazza79 8 years is a long time to be paying a mortgage with only a verbal agreement. Even if you are/were on great terms, always get things in writing.
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    You could cut your losses. here...it is unlikely you'll see your money back. If the house is big enough for sister and potential future family to live in, why didn't parents sell and downsize if its just the two of them? Theyay need to anyway if you cut them off... NTA
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    shelwood46 I need to know their ages because how did they feel comfortable retiring without being able to afford their own mortgage? NTA
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    Difficult-Pilot-7721 OP My parents had us at an old age. They were eligible for social security, worked manual labor jobs, and had declining health. It made sense for them
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    to retire. If they couldn't get my help with the mortgage, then they would have had to keep working or sell their house.
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    Sarapeach20 Always get things in writing, even with family. Unfortunately, with only a verbal agreement, getting your money back may be unlikely. It's worth considering cutting
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    your losses. Also, if the house is so big, it might have made more sense to downsize if it's just your parents living there. If you decide to cut them off, they might have to downsize anyway.
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    Difficult-Pilot-7721 OP Yeah, lesson learned the hard way, now I know
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    Deep-Okra1461 NTA I think your biggest miscalculation was underestimating your parents' dedication to helping you and your sister. Your parents don't sound like the kind of parents who are going to turn your
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    sister down for help when she needs it. Sometimes parents even go so far as to leave a larger inheritance to the child. who 'needs it' more in their eyes. Remember, if it's not written down in a legally binding contract, it's not yours no matter what anyone says.
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    People can and do change their minds. If you are doing well enough to pay their mortgage but your sister doesn't even have a job, your deal with them is NOT going to be their priority. Their priority will be helping your sister. Whatever you decide, decide it with that understanding.
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    Difficult-Pilot-7721 OP I wish I had heard this years ago. You really summed it up well, thanks.
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